Newsflash...

The GOMP has five new members this week. Nothing new in that, I know, but one of them is my mum (AKA Mother of Morry). Welcome to the GOMP, mum, and nice to see that I've managed to drag you into the 20th Century.

Newsflash II...

The GOMP website is now up and running properly. You may still catch the old version (you will know it when yo see it) but the new version is due on this afternoon some time - Stay tuned.

The GOMP website can be found at: http://www.gomp.demon.co.uk or at http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/brazos/597

And now for some fun!

MEN'S RULES FOR WOMEN

1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer and Curry.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking JERKS.
5. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
6. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie. Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
7. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
8. He heard you the first time.
9. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.
10. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.

AIRPLANE GAMES

" A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The Programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains 'I ask you a question , and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.' Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says 'OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!'This catches the Engineer's complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The Programmer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?' The Engineer doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pull out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the Programmer. Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer: 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The Programmer, more that a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer?' Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer $5 and goes back to sleep."

Morry
MD GOMP