A Dictionary for mothers
A colleague of mine who also subscribes to GOMP (tm), has recently been blessed with a little baby boy, Alexander (a working title - the final name is still pending discussions). This is for Alexander's (working title) mother.
Thanks Alexis for sending it in.
AMNESIA - A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDING - An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too
DEFENCE - What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING - How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER - One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING - The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK - The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME - What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS - The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY - What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE - A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT - How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT - What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it
PRENATAL - When your life was still somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH - A contradiction in terms
PUDDLE - A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF - A child who is more talented than yours
STERILISE - What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it
STOREROOM - The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS - What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK - Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies
TWO MINUTE WARNING - When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL - Able to whine in words
WEAKER SEX - The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNNIT - None of the kids that live in your house
WHOOPS - An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
Morry
MD GOMP
All material contained within this site has been researched and/or written by Morry. Any mistakes are my own and are completely intentional.
Offence is not my intention, so if you are offended in any way by anything on these pages, please mail me ASAP with your reasons.
Should you want to get in touch with me, my e-mail address is: [email protected]
Party on dudes