I am sure you all remember the Jasper Carrott insurance quotes - one of his funniest moments, I'm sure you will agree. Here are some of those best quotes as well as some that he didn't get round to reading out.

BON WEEKEND FOLKS

THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL STATEMENTS FOUND ON INSURANCE FORMS WHERE CAR DRIVERS ATTEMPTED TO SUMMARIZE THE DETAILS OF AN ACCIDENT IN THE FEWEST POSSIBLE WORDS. THE INSTANCES OF FAULTY WRITING SERVE TO CONFIRM THAT EVEN INCOMTETENT WRITING CAN BE HIGHLY ENTERTAINING.

- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

- I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

- In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

- I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

- As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

- My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

- The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.

- I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

Morry
MD GOMP